i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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