I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
