I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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