just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
