Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
