hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
