i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
