Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
