Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
