After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
