yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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