I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
