things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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