The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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