Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
