So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
