Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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