Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
