I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
