she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
True strength comes from lack of pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
