Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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