Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
