You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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