So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
