he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
