Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
