Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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