I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize