God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this will be a night to untag.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
