my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
