First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
