the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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