My liver just broke up with me...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
