wanna go halves on a baby?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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