We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think my fart just growled at me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
