Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
