Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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