Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
