I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
