I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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