can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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