I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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