South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
