I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
