Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
