Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
