In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
