I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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