Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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