it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
