No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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