I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
