We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
