I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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