Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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