Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
