one word: firstdatebathroomanal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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