i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
