she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
