doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
