Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
