I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
