He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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