i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
