Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
