I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
