my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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