I want to have your abortion
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
