you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
