We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
